Order in the Court!
by Zhou Ying
Summary: Zheng He is found dead on Wu's territory. Cao Cao sues them for the loss and they go to court. reposted with modifications
1. Xiao Qiao's tale

**Disclaimer: I don't own dynasty warriors, Koei does.**

**Also, I realize I've posted this story before but I've made slight modifications to it. Mostly it's grammatical because my grammar sucked when I was 13. I'm so sorry if it was flipped to the front page once again… this is super old you guys…**

**Enjoy~**

**xxx**

**Chapter 1- Xiao Qiao's tale**

"RISE, BUGS!" Lu Bu said swinging his halberd at the jury as the judge came in. They trembled and stood then sat down as the judge rose his hand.

"Sit, please." Zhuge Liang said and banged his gavel on the stand.

"YOU HEARD THE FOOL! SIT SIT SIT!" Lu Bu screeched and threw his halberd at the jury. It flew into Yuan Shao's head who died immediately.

"HOORAY!" the jury yelled and there was much rejoicing.

"Order! Order in the court! ORDER I SAY!" Zhuge Liang repeated slamming down the gavel again and again.

"SILENCE! THERE WILL BE SILENCE!" Lu Bu Yelled jumping up into the jury benches. He grabbed another's sword and hacked up three more people as the jury went silent. Satisfied, Lu Bu went back to stand by the Judge after retrieving his weapon from Yuan Shao's head.

Zhuge Liang raised an eyebrow at Lu Bu. "Errr, thank you for the silence, Lu Bu."

"You are most welcome, scum." he replied flatly.

A sweat drop arose on Zhuge Liang's head. "Will the defendants please enter the court room." he announced smoothing out his robe nervously.

The doors opened and Sun Ce, Zhou Yu, Da Qiao, and Xiao Qiao entered. Zhou Yu looked at Zhuge Liang. "WHAT! HE IS THE JUDGE! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! AN OUTRAGE I TELL YOU! I OBJECT!" Lu Bu shot him a death glare so he shut up and sat down grumbling.

Zhuge Liang smirked "Will the plaintiffs please enter the court room." He announced once again.

This time Sima Yi, Cao Pi, and Cao Cao entered the room and sat down. Sima Yi opened his mouth to object also, however, Lu Bu had seen it coming and charged over. His face was inches from Yi's. "Do you have something to say, insect?" he said in a voice menacing enough to make a shiver travel up your spine.

Sima Yi quickly shut his mouth and shook his head 'no'. Cao Cao yanked his head over and started staring at the Two Qiaos. A bit of drool was leaking out of his mouth. The two sisters made a disgusted look and moved a far away from him as they could. "COME BACK! I LOVE YOU!" Cao Cao said attempting to get out of his seat, and he would have had not Lu Bu hit him with the end of his weapon causing Cao to fly back into his chair.

Zhuge Liang shook his head. "Let us continue. Lord Lu Bu, the papers, please." Zhuge Liang said. Lu Bu threw the papers at him. "Thank you lord Lu Bu." He replied picking a sheet from his hat. "Lord's Sun Ce and Zhou Yu, and Ladies Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao, you are charged with first degree murder of Lord Zhang He in a time of peace. How do you plead?"

Xiao Qiao and Sun Ce jumped up from their seats. "GUILTY!" they yelled all at once.

The elder Qiao rolled her eyes while Zhou Yu smacked his head and pulled them back. "We are innocent." he said glaring at the two.

Xiao looked confused "But I thought that we-" Zhou Yu quickly put his hand over her mouth.

"Excuse her, your honor." he grumbled and sat down dragging Xiao back onto the bench.

Zhuge Liang sighed. "Will the Wei party please present its case to the court."

Sima Yi stood up. "I would like to call Xiao Qiao to the stand." the young woman skipped over to the stand and sat down bubbling like an idiot.

Lu Bu came up to Xiao Qiao with a bible in his hand. He took a piece of paper from his pocket and began to read the contents quietly. "#1. place hand on bible then... Okay, I can do this!" He cleared his throat and held out the large book to her. "Place your left hand on this bible and raise your right, good, now do you swear to the truth the whole truth and nothing but so help you God?"

"Sure do!"

Lu Bu smiled, obviously happy with himself and went back to stand by the judge.

Sima Yi came forward "Yes, Lady Qiao, what happened from your point of view on the 15th of June?" he asked placing both hands on the table.

"Well, Me, my sister, and our husbands were having a barbecue on one of those cute little grills out in an open field out side of Wu... We, well I, was talking about how great my level 11 weapons are... they are so cool! The cute little pandas and the awsomest name: Fatal grace!"

"Please continue, Lady Qiao, we don't have all day." Zhuge Liang said tapping his index finger impatiently. "And 'awsomest' isn't a word."

Xiao stuck her tongue out at him. "Well, the others seemed to be distracted, like we were looking for something. Then suddenly Sun Ce said 'Yeah, Tofu is great, better than anything I know.' naturally, I think this made sis mad because she wasn't the best to him... She really is but he wasn't thinking." Xiao said drawing an invisible pattern on the table. Da rolled her eyes at the ignorance of her sister. "Well, sis kicked Sun Ce, hard, he then flew back and a crash was heard. When I looked behind me, Sun Ce lay on the ground moaning besides Zhang He who hit his head on a rock and died... and that's all I remember."

Wei's strategist blinked "All right, you may return to your seat." Sima Yi said as Zhuge Liang and the Jury gathered what was just said. "I would now ask Sun Ce to tell his story." He said pointing a finger at the Little Conqueror.

**xxx**

**To be Continued~**


	2. Sun Ce and Cao Cao's tale

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors, Koei does.**

**xxx**

**Chapter 2- Sun Ce and Cao Cao's tale**

Sun Ce got up from the bench and went to sit down. He leaned back in the chair and propped his feet up on the small table in front of him. "What do ya want?" He asked in a bored tone. "I have other things to do."

Zhuge Liang glared at him. "Lord Sun Ce, please sit in your seat correctly."

"Who's gonna make me!" He said sticking his tongue out at Zhuge Liang.

Lu Bu lunged at the Little Conqueror, halberd risen high above his head. "DO AS THE INSECT SAYS!" He raged, bringing the weapon down on the table just between Ce's feet. The table split in half as he screamed like a little girl and sat up straight. The mighty warriors grabbed the bible from the broken table and yanked Sun Ce's left hand on top of it then pulled up his right. "DO YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT SO HELP YOU GOD!" The frightened war lord nodded his head quickly. Lu Bu grinned and retook his spot next to Zhuge Liang who rolled his eyes.

"Ehh, yes." Sima Yi said throwing a questioning look towards Lu Bu then to the cowering Sun Ce. "Sun Ce, what happened on the day you found Zhang He dead?"

"I, um, forgot." Sun Ce said shaking his head.

"Oh, really? Perhaps this will jog your memory!" Sima Yi pulled out an object from his pocket. Everyone gasped.

"A pair of pink panty hose?" He said puzzled at what the garments might mean.

"YES! A PAIR OF PINK PANTY- Ehh what?" Sima Yi said looking at the object in his hand. "Oh, sorry, wrong item."

"Hey! Those are mine!" Cao Cao said jumping out of his seat. He ran up to Sima Yi and snatched the undergarments out of his hand. "So are you the one who's been taking all my pretty dress up cloths!" The jury gave a disgusted groan as Cao Pi smacked himself in the head. "Drat! My secret is revealed!" Cao Cao said hiding the panty hose while Lu Bu rolled around on the floor laughing.

Da leaned over to her sister. "Okay, I knew Wei was strange, but..."

"ALL RIGHT PEOPLE! NOW THAT WE KNOW A LITTLE MORE THAN WE WANTED TO ABOUT CAO CAO, LET'S PROCEED WITH THE CASE!" Zhuge Liang shouted a bit annoyed with a hint of disgust.

"Erm right. As I was saying... perhaps this will jog your memory!" The crowd looked away in fear in what he might reveal this time. Sima Yi pulled out a bag, inside was a bit of tofu casserole. Everyone sighed in relief.

Sun Ce's mouth watered. "I love tofu!"

"Yes, I know. If you explain what happened, you can have some."

Ce looked back and forth from the tofu to Da Qiao, Zhou Yu, and Xiao Qiao who was making Zhou Yu hold her lip gloss while she put some other pointless makeup on. "Maybe I do remember." He said narrowing his eyes. Sima Yi gave a satisfied look. "Well it was like this...

Like Xiao mentioned before, we were all out on a picnic. After a while, we started to feel like we were being watched. I don't think that Xiao noticed, though, she was too busy blabbing on about her weapons. Whatever. But anyway, I thought it was becoming too obvious to the stalker person that we knew he was there, so I said 'Yeah, Tofu is great, better than anything I know.' To throw him off and then I looked at Zhou Yu.

Suddenly, I heard Da shriek and looked to her, but then she kicked me for no reason! Obviously, I went flying back and then I hit something. I fell to the ground moaning, and looked over at what I hit. There, besides me, lay Zhang He who's head was cracked on a rock." He paused and stared off into space. "That's all." He said yawning.

"I see." Sima Yi said writing a few things down. "You may go back and sit down. And now, Da Qiao, I call you to the-"

"Wait just a moment. I think I should get some time to interrogate now." Zhou Yu said standing up.

"What!"

"You've been talking long enough, it's my turn." Sima Yi growled as Zhuge Liang motioned for him to let Zhou Yu talk. He walked back to his seat muttering swear words and throwing his hands in the air. Zhou Yu smirked. "All right, I call Cao Cao to the stand."

Everyone turned to Cao Cao who was blowing kisses to himself in a small compact mirror. "What? Oh, right." He said and walked over to the bench and broken table. "What do you want! Can't you see I'm busy?" He said waving the mirror at Zhou Yu.

Lu Bu quickly put on a pair of sterile gloves and a face mask then proceeded to Cao Cao with the bible. He approached him cautiously. Zhuge Liang sighed, "Lu Bu, what are you doing?"

"Cooties, better safe than sorry." Cao Cao scoffed and placed his left hand on the bible then rose his right. "Fruity man, do you swear to the truth the whole truth and nothing but so help you God?"

"I guess so." Lu Bu smiled beneath his mask happy to get away and sprayed the holy book with disinfectant.

Zhou Yu rolled his eyes and stepped forward. "Tell me, Cao Cao, why was Zhang He in Wu at all?" He asked giving Cao Cao a skeptical look

"Well how should I know?" He said gazing into the mirror once more. "It's not like I give the guy orders."

"You DO give him orders."

"Oh right... what was the question again?"

Zhou Yu sighed "Why was Zhang He in Wu?"

"I don't have to tell you that!" Cao Cao said crossing his arms.

"May I remind you that you're under oath?"

"So! I only said to tell the truth and I haven't lied to you yet."

Zhou Yu glared at him putting his hands on his hips. He felt something in his pocket and pulled it out. Upon seeing what it was, he smiled and walked closer to Cao Cao. "If you cooperate, I'll give you this." He said extending the lip gloss Xiao Qiao had given him to hold earlier when Ce was being questioned.

Cao Cao's eyes grew wide as he stared at the object. Sima Yi and Xiao Qiao jumped up "I object!" They shouted in union.

Zhuge Liang who was practically asleep shot his eyes open. "Huh... What? Why?"

"Your honor, Zhou Yu is bribing Cao Cao!"

"And that's my lip gloss!" Xiao shouted.

"I don't care, just get this court done with. Sima Yi, sit down!"

"NO!" Xiao screamed banging her hands on the table and stomping her feet.

Zhuge Liang looked at Lu Bu who was supposed to be doing something about this, but he was playing poker with... A monkey? The monkey chattered something and showed his cards to Lu Bu, he had a royal flush. "WHAT! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! YOU'RE CHEATING!" Lu Bu yelled. The monkey blew a raspberry at Lu Bu and grabbed the baozi that was Lu Bu's lunch. It jumped through a window and seemed to laugh before disappearing. The mighty Warrior wouldn't take this and crashed through the wall to chase the monkey.

Everyone was silent at what had just taken place. Zhuge Liang sighed. "I guess we don't have a bailiff any longer." Just then, Huang Gai jumped up from the audience.

He waved his hand wildly looking as giddy as a small child with a bag of candy. "I can be bailiff!" He said in his gruff voice, charging from the audience and planting himself in Lu Bu's old spot.

"Eh, all right then." Zhuge Liang said. Just then Xiao remembered that she was supposed to be throwing a tantrum.

"I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! I WANT MY LIP GLOSS! I WANT MY LIP GLO- oh, is that cherry flavor?" Xiao asked as Da extended a cherry flavored lip gloss toward her.

"Can we continue?" Zhou Yu asked, annoyed. He held the lip gloss out to Cao Cao once again as Zhuge Liang nodded.

Cao Cao stared at the object once again. He though hard about what he should do. "That's not enough!" He finally said, crossing his arms.

"What if _I_ interrogate him?" Da Qiao said, raising her hand.

Cao Cao looked at her and began drooling again.

"Well, will you cooperate if I give you this and _she_ talks to you?" Zhou Yu asked.

"Okay!" He said with a stupid grin. Zhou Yu walked back and gave his sister-in-law the gloss. She got up and walked over to Cao Cao. "Now, tell us what Zhang He was doing in Wu."

He snatched the lip gloss. "Well you see, sweetie, I wanted to get you and your sister."

Da blushed and punched him hard in the face. "YOU SICK PERVERT!" She was about to walk back to her seat when she remembered she had to stay.

"NO WAY! DA QIAO ACTUALLY PUNCHED ME!" He said touching his bruised face. "I SHALL TREASURE THIS BRUISE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!" He had a dreamy look on his face.

"FINISH EXPLAINING YOU IDIOT!" She screamed at him.

Cao Cao smiled. "Well, I knew that it would be a difficult and dangerous job, so I figured I'd send Zhang He. That way, if he died I wouldn't have any beauty to rival mine." The crowd looked concerned for the well being of Cao Cao.

"Father has never been the same since they took the cape away from his costume in Dynasty Warriors 5." Cao Pi whispered to Sima Yi.

Cao Cao jumped up from his chair and took Da's hand. "WILL YOU MARRY ME!" He screamed, attempting to kiss her.

"NO!" Da screamed and ducked away from his oncoming lips. She yanked her hand away and kicked him in the groin. As Cao Cao lurched forward in pain, his head met with Sun Ce's fist. The couple then proceeded to beat the crap out of Wei's leader.

"Huang Gai! You're the bailiff, do something!" Zhuge Liang screeched as Cao Cao's blood squirted onto his robe.

"No way! This is too funny!" He said laughing till his sides hurt.

Zhuge Liang looked over to Cao Pi and Sima Yi who just stared. "ARGGGG! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!" Liang screamed banging his head on the podium. Just then, sirens were heard and Cao Cao was carried off on a stretcher.

"Zhuge Liang! What's wrong with you! Don't you know that you banged your head on the ambulance button?" Da said, pouting. She and Sun Ce were covered in blood.

Now, if you concentrated hard on Zhuge Liang, you might hear sobbing sounds admitting from him. He finally rose his head, "I call a one day recess for everyone to gather their thoughts and bearings." The gavel came down and with that, the room emptied out.

**xxx**

**To be continued~**

**Sorry if Cao Cao has left you mentally disturbed. Toodles!  
**


	3. Da Qiao and Cao Pi's tale

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors, Koei does.**

**Okay, I've finally decided to update WOOT! I meant to get this out sooner but my computer was having technical difficulties.**

**xxx**

**Chapter 3- Da Qiao and Cao Pi's tale**

Zhuge Liang sighed as he walked back into the court room once again. Everyone was here, even Cao Cao. He was in a... A pink body cast... Figures. He rose his hand for silence, there was none. "Excuse me... Excuse me! Silence, please! Silence! EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Liang Started hitting the gavel down again and again, still nothing. He growled in frustration as the chaos continued.

Sima Yi and Zhou Yu were arguing over who got to interrogate next... Sun Ce and Cao Pi were in a fist fight, and the Two Qiao's were trying to keep the floods of fan boys back. Then to top it all off, the other Wu and Wei officers in the jury were starting to get into small fights as well.

"This is why I joined Shu," He grumbled lightly. "Things like this never happen to us." It seemed like nothing could be done to get the order he needed. "Now how did I do this last time... hmmmm..." He thought long and hard. "Err... it was... AH LU BU! Lu Bu will you please silence the people? Lu Bu?" He looked over to where his bailiff had been the previous day. Seeing Huang Gai, he remembered the 'incident'. "Huang Gai will you do something about this chaos?" He asked, annoyed.

Huang Gai nodded and jumped into jury, beating anyone associated with Wei. Xiahou Yuan stood up and pointed an accusing finger at Huang Gai. "Wait a minute! How come you aren't doing anything to the people of Wu!"

Huang Gai turned to him and threw one of the lowly peons into the wall. " I'm on Wu's team. It's not like I'm going to hurt any of them!"

"That's unfair!"

"Tough!"

"You want a piece of this, old man?"

"Who are you calling old, chunky?" Xiahou Yuan gave a roar and leapt at Gai. The two fell down a couple of jury benches causing a cloud of dust to arise. Everyone went silent to watch what would happen. As the cloud settled, many could make out the two men sitting across from each other, and they were... slapping each other? Some chuckled, others had a look of confusion, but all watched as the, err, 'battle' continued. The two finally stopped fighting and glared at each other, out of breath.

Liang rose an eyebrow at the two. "Huang Gai, you are fired from bailiff duties. I think that someone who will be fair to everyone should be bailiff." Huang Gai cried and Xiahou Yuan smiled as they retook their seats.

"But who would be fair to everyone?" A random person yelled.

Zhuge Liang smiled. "Lord Liu Bei is the fairest person I know. He would be perfect for the job."

Liu Bei smiled and sat up straight in the crowd. "I_ am_ pretty good for the job, huh?"

Sima Yi laughed wildly. "There's only one problem with that... Liu Bei is a complete pansy! He wouldn't stand a chance against two people in a fight."

Liu Bei frowned. "I would too be a good bailiff!"

"I declare Liu Bei bailiff." Zhuge Liang stated. "And that's final." So Liu Bei went to the bailiff's spot.

"Can we _please_ get on with this? I have many things to do, like plot everyone's demise." Sima Yi said flatly. Zhuge Liang nodded. "Good. I would like to bring-"

Zhou Yu jumped up. "Hold it! Why should he get another turn? I want more time."

Sima Yi scowled. "Fine, we shall settle this in the way men have been settling arguments for centuries." The Jury held their breath as they waited to see what would happen. "Rock... Paper... Scissors!"

"So be it!" The two strategists walked to the center of the room and held out their palms. "GO! Rock... Paper... Scissors!" The sighs for each option flashed onto their open palms. Zhou Yu had lain scissors and Sima Yi, rock.

"Ha! I win." Sima Yi did a victory dance while Zhou Yu went and sat back down, defeated. "Now, I would call Da Qiao to the stand." Da Got up and gracefully went to the questioning stand, that's table was still broken from the day before.

Liu Bei received the bible from Liang and proceeded to Da Qiao who did what was required of her to take the oath. "Do you swear to the truth the whole truth and nothing but so help you God?"

"Yes."

"Good, now Da Qiao, would you care to explain what you saw that day?" Sima Yi asked fanning himself with his fan of feathers.

She smoothed out her skirt. "Well, my story is pretty much what Sun Ce and Xiao Qiao have said so far." She laced her fingers and placed both hands into her lap. "We were, as you've heard before, all out on a picnic together.

As my sister was speaking to us about her weapons, my husband, Zhou Yu, and I became aware that there was another in our presence. Sun Ce said 'Yeah, Tofu is great, better than anything I know.' to throw the other off. I should have expected something like that from him too, the man loves tofu.

I rolled my eyes then looked behind him to see if I could catch a glance of anyone else around. No sooner than I did that did Zhang He alight about 10 feet behind Ce. Naturally, I screamed startled that he had suddenly appear.

Well you see, I have this habit of kicking my legs out when I'm startled and Ce happened to be sitting right there, so on accident, I kicked him. He went flying back and nailed Zhang He right in the gut. The force sent him flying back as well and then he cracked his head on a rock." She sighed. "Is that all you need?"

"Yes, thank you." Da Qiao went back and sat back down. "Your honor, I'm done with all my questioning."

Zhuge Liang nodded. "Zhou Yu, do you have anything you'd like to as-" Suddenly the door was bashed down and Lu Bu entered the room.

"I'm baaaaaaack insolent fools!" He announced barging in. Everyone stared at him for he was wearing, um... panda pajama's! (a/n: Apparently there's a cheat in DW5 where you can see Lu Bu is in his panda Pajama's. lol.) "I finally caught that insignificant monkey and made him into a wonderful soup WAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!" The crowd looked slightly disgusted. "Yes, and It was so delicious, I sold it at the market. One man traded me for these pajama's."

Lu Xun stood up. "That was monkey stew? I'm gonna be sick." He ran off out the door.

"Thanks for the PJ's, Pyro boy!" Lu Bu yelled after him. He walked over to his former spot and stared down at the frightened Liu Bei. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SPOT, SCUM!" He picked Liu Bei up by his hair and flung him out the window.

Zhao Yun stood up "MY LORD!" He screamed before jumping out the window after him.

Zhuge Liang twitched. "Lu Bu! You just threw My Lord Liu Bei out the window! And those pajama's are strictly past the dress code!"

"Not to mention they are totally out of style! I mean come on! Everyone knows that pink pig pajama's are what's 'in' these days." Cao Cao said threw the body cast.

Lu Bu growled at Zhuge Liang and thrust his halberd under Liang's nose. "I don't care what you say! Besides, you gave my spot away to that pansy!"

"I told you." Sima Yi stated smirking.

"Very well." He squeaked. Lu Bu grinned and went to stand in his spot. "As I was saying before, Zhou Yu, would you like to question anyone?"

He stood up. "Yes, I call Cao Pi to the stand." Cao Pi sat down on the questioning chair. "Tell me, Cao Pi, it was you who found Zhang He, so why were you in Wu?"

He scowled. "Xiahou Dun was there too, why aren't you questioning him as well?"

"I didn't know he was with you. Xiahou Dun, come down here too." Xiahou Dun jumped out of his seat and stood next to Cao Pi. "Xiahou Dun, same question."

"Ask Cao Pi, I had no idea what was going on."

Cao Pi sighed. "Well you see, I-"

"STOP!" Lu Bu yelled rushing up to the bench. He snatched the bible off the ground from where Liu Bei dropped it before he took his little trip. Cao Pi sighed and placed his hand upon the book and the other in the air. "Do you swear to the truth the whole truth and nothing but so help you God?"

"Of course I do! Now, I came to father to tell him Zhang He hadn't returned, after all, it had been a week since he left. But Father was standing in front of the refrigerator. Before I could tell him anything he turned to me."

-flashback-

_"Father, I-"_

_"Ah, son, I need you to run an errand for me. We're out of milk, so I want you to go ask Sun Jian if we can borrow some." Cao Cao said putting a hand on his son's shoulder._

_"Father, why don't you get some from the villagers?"_

_"Because Sun Jian has royal milk, I will not be seen drinking peasant milk!"_

_"Milk is milk, father, it's not-"_

_"Cao Pi, as your father and ruler of Wei, I demand you do as I have said!"_

_"Don't you think that's a bit dangerous? I mean, Zhang He hasn't even come bac-"_

_"Then take Xiahou Dun or someone with you, now go! Before I have you executed." He said waving his son away._

-end of flashback-

Cao Pi frowned. "So we were forced to go to Wu. Obviously, I didn't ask Sun Jian for milk and just bought some at the market; but I did go to Wu to find Zhang He. Xiahou Dun and myself came to a clearing and spotted a body. Naturally, I was curious and when we approached, I saw none other than the body of Zhang He."

Xiahou Dun shuddered. "And he made me carry the corpse back, oh the memories! The horrible memories!"

Zhou Yu looked sympathetically at Dun. "I see. Well-" a bell rang.

"Time for a one hour recess, everyone!" Zhuge Liang cried and jumped out of his seat, running out the door. The jury scrambled out after him leaving Zhou Yu to grumble about getting cut off once again.

**xxx**

**To be continued~**


	4. In the End

**Disclaimer: I don't own DW or Beauty and the Beast**

**This is the last chapter I will write. I know, it's sad, and it's probably going to be short. Also I'm sorry to all you who wanted the pajama cheat... The description was not very clear so I couldn't figure it out. I don't think it was legit anyway. **

**xxx**

**Chapter 4- In the End**

Zhuge Liang walked into the court room purposefully late. He didn't want to go through trying to get the people to settle down and keep quiet again but when he entered, there was silence. He looked around in astonishment at the jury who were behaving themselves and not acting like children like they had the previous times. Taking his seat, Zhuge Liang looked to Lu Bu who was staring daggers at everyone. "Thank you, Lord Lu Bu, you have saved me my sanity." He stated then looked to Zhou Yu. "What were you saying before the break?"

Zhou Yu narrowed his eyes. "I was only concluding my question to Cao Pi."

Zhuge Liang rose an eyebrow. "I see, well, is there anything else you two would like to say before the Jury and I decide the verdict?" He looked from Zhou Yu who shook his head then to Sima Yi who stood up. "Yes, Sima Yi? You have something you want to say?"

"Yes. Zhou Yu, you are the only one who hasn't explained your part of the story. What have you to say about this whole incident?"

Wu's strategist yawned. "I really have nothing else to tell that hasn't already been said."

He gave him a skeptical look. "Oh, really? I think there's something you know that you aren't sharing with us."

Sweat beads began to form on Zhou Yu's head. "I have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Spill the beans you pathetic worm!"

"ALL RIGHT! IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!"

"Really?"

"No." Was all Zhou Yu said and smirked at the confused look Sima Yi had on his face.

Zhuge Liang watched Sima Yi pout and slouch back into his seat. "Eh, all right then... So I guess that we will now-" He was cut short by Lu Bu who rushed up before the him.

"I have something to say!" He growled and pointed his weapon at Sima Yi's head. "You, bug! Get up to the stand! And you too, pretty boy!" He said pointing to Zhou Yu. The two quickly scurried over to the stand and looked at each other nervously. "Now, do you both swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but so help you God?" They nodded, there was no bible but who was going to argue with cockroach boy? Zhuge Liang, that's who.

Zhuge Liang tapped on the mighty warrior's shoulder "Lu Bu you can't-"

"SILENCE! I DEMAND TIME TO TALK!" He looked at the two strategists at the stand. "Now, is it true that you two conspired in secret one day to plot against Zhang He?"

"WHAT!" The two said in union.

"YES! YOU PLOTTED TO GET RID OF HIM! Sima Yi! You knew that Cao Cao would be even cockier once Zhang He was gone since he had gone mad. You could kill him off easier so you went to Zhou Yu to carry out a plan."

"That's nonsense! Zhou Yu would never help me for no reason!" Sima Yi said in an almost shaky voice.

"Oh, really? Well, I think killing off Cao Cao would present an upside for Zhou Yu. The two Qiao's would be safe from his grasp and Wei would be weaker... but he didn't know why you would want to kill your own Lord. So you told him that Zhang He would be taken out in the process because he knew the guy annoyed you all the time, thus he agreed!

When you got back to Wei, you told Cao Cao that Zhang He would get the Two Qiao's for him and he liked that idea, so Cao Cao sent Zhang He on the mission. Before he left you told Zhang He to ambush Sun Ce first because he would be harder to take out than Zhou Yu."

"I ah-"

"ZHOU YU! You helped Sima Yi hatch a plan and told your sworn brother and the Two Qiao's that you were all going on a picnic, but in truth, it was Zhang He's death trap. You made sure Da Qiao was behind Sun Ce and the rock was in place based on the velocity of Da's kick. When Zhang He spring attacked Sun Ce, the plan was taken into effect and thus, Zheng He met his death."

"..."

"ADMIT IT! IT'S THE TRUTH! YOU TWO WERE ONLY GOING ALONG WITH THIS WHOLE COURT THING TO NOT GET CAUGHT!" He swung his halberd at their heads as everyone stared in awe at Lu Bu's explanation.

"All right, it's true!" Sima Yi said, ducking to get away from the halberd.

Zhou Yu did the same and admitted it for fear of his life. "But how in the world did you find out!"

Lu Bu held up the magic mirror from Beauty and the Beast. "I jacked this thing from some hairy guy in a castle with talking furniture while I was headed back here after I sold the monkey stew and got those pajamas. It shows everything past and present." The people stared in awe at the mirror before them.

Zhuge Liang banged his gavel on the stand and stood up. "I have come to a conclusion! There will be no punishments, for both sides are guilty, Lu Bu will be given some new and better pajamas for his discovery, and I'm going back to Shu now. CASE DISMISSED!"

THE END

**xxx**

**I hope you enjoyed this piece of complete and utter nonsense. Thanks for reading~  
**


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